When people think of couples therapy, they often imagine a scholarly-appearing professional (with notebook and pen in hand, of course!) sitting behind a desk or in a comfortable chair. Across from this professional is the unhappy couple. They may be fighting or looking uncomfortable.
It looks pretty uncomfortable already, even INTENSE. So how is a couples therapy intensive different?
Couples Therapy Intensives Give Quicker Results
A traditional couples therapy session is commonly 50 minutes or may be 90 minutes. It’s rarely longer than that. Because there is a limit to what is shared in the 50 minutes (which includes chit-chat and scheduling), couples commonly attend traditional hourly therapy four to eight months.
A Couples Therapy Intensive is multiple hours in one day and is commonly over a few days. For example, my couples therapy intensives are 8 hours (with breaks and lunch, of course!). And they are at least 3 days and as many as 5.
Couples Therapy Intensives are intended to condense the length of time you are doing therapy work. The ‘intensive’ part doesn’t mean ‘harder’, it just means the therapy takes place in a shorter, more condensed timeframe. :).
Couples Therapy Intensives are More Focused
Most times, a couple is considering a Couples Therapy Intensive for a specific purpose. Maybe they are struggling with too many conflicts, there’s been an affair, or they are determining if they want to stay together or divorce. Whatever the reason, couples generally enter a Couples Therapy Intensive with a focus and a goal in mind.
For example, couples coming to my practice often are wanting to improve their communication and connection; they want the skills focus I provide in my Couples Therapy Intensive Retreat. Other couples have experienced an affair; they need answers, healing, and trust-building. So I provide my Affair Recovery Retreat to address those needs.
Your relationship is important. If you are considering a Couples Therapy Intensive with anyone, definitely make sure the therapist is aware of and able to meet whatever goals you are wanting to achieve in your work.
Couples Therapy Intensives are More Effective
When couples attend traditional hourly sessions, there is effort to find parking (or get online) and the reality that one person may be late due to kids, work, etc. Once the couples is present with the therapist, a few moments are generally used for social niceties and then the couple generally shares their weekly report of how things went (or most recent fight). The 50 minutes quickly becomes closer to 40 minutes. Details are shared, emotions start to rise, a few insights are made, and then the session is over. The couple leaves feeling a bit raw and possibly apprehensive of the ride home.
With Couples Therapy Intensives, there is still that ‘settling in’ time, but then you can breath and thoughtfully begin the work. Because you don’t have that clock ticking towards 50 minutes, you have time to go deeper and obtain more substantial insights. As successful conversations happen, it’s possible to progress into the topics that haven’t been discussed. As the day is ending, there is plenty of time to tie up loose ends so you leave the day feeling connected.
You make significant progress because you have the time to go deeper and across a wider range of topics that normally could not be addressed…all at a comfortable pace. Therapists differ as far as how many hours a day’s session is. For my work with a Couples Therapy Intensive, one day is equivalent to 2 months’ worth of hourly sessions.
Couples Therapy Intensives are ‘Safer’
Too many times, couples attending traditional hourly sessions have horrific sessions with one person doing much of the talking, arguments escalating, and a shut down (or continued argument) after the session. It’s awful and is one of the biggest reasons couples quit couples therapy after a few sessions.
The therapy ‘hour’ is part of what makes that disaster happen. There is a pressure cooker of time for both people to be heard. The person who is the loudest, most persistent, or intense generally takes more of the therapy time and the other person ends up shutting down, giving in, and feeling hopeless. With those couples where both people fight to be heard, there is always a shut down at the end, even if it’s after the couple has left the therapy office.
Couples Therapy Intensives remove that ‘pressure cooker’ experience of the hourly session. You and your partner have the time to be seen and heard and there’s no competition to have the final word. And, because the day can end on a positive connecting note, you can leave with a sense of feeling understood by your partner, feeling more compassion towards them, and possessing the ability to have good conversations after the session has ended.
Couples Therapy Intensives are a Financial Investment
One of the biggest stumbling blocks I see for couples when considering a Couples Therapy Intensive is the cost. Because all of the work is being done in a condensed amount of time, with literally months’ worth of work over a few days, the cost is paid upfront.
Traditional couples therapy is paid one session at a time, so the cost is spread out over months and even years. If an hourly session costs $300, then it’s $1,200 for the month and $14,400 over a year’s time. Additionally, you can more commonly access your health insurance benefits for this more traditional format.
If the hourly therapy process ends in a failed relationship because the hurt just continued too long, that seems a waste of time and money. On the other hand, if a more condensed format gives you successful results so you stay together and are even stronger as a couple, then that investment seems worthwhile.
In the end, you need to balance the investment of how quickly you need help versus the cost. If you are confident you have plenty of time and energy to work on your relationship, then maybe it makes sense to spread out the financial cost and seek the slower, traditional route. On the other hand, if you are concerned your relationship can’t tolerate months/years of therapy or if there is so much hurt that things need to be addressed NOW, then the financial investment of a Couples Intensive Therapy Retreat might be more appropriate.
You Want to Make the Right Decision
When searching for couples therapy, you want to make the RIGHT decision and get the right fit. I help couples make the best choice by giving a free 60 minute video consultation so you can ask all your questions and learn more about how I work.
Maybe you are wanting to strengthen your relationship’s connection. My Couples Intensive Therapy Retreat gives concrete skills and tools to improve your communication. Or perhaps you are navigating the dark waters of an affair or betrayal and need the guidance of an Affair Recovery Retreat.
Asheville Center for Couples specializes in helping couples quickly through Couples Therapy Retreats.
